Polaroid Prose

Heart attack

2008-04-26T15:22:00.003+08:00

When it rushes over you, this feeling of confirmation, it just engulfs your whole being.

Sometimes I wonder if I had told him, would he have told me the same thing back?
Maybe the fate just wasn't there.

Somehow what happened with him never changed me. I'm still as shy as ever with revealing of feelings. Sometimes I just wonder when God will ever reveal the other half of mine. I don't even know if he has or if he ever will. That just makes me a whole lot more miserable. I want to trust him, let him take his time in showing me the right one for me. But as The Click Five sings in 'The Reason Why':

But time is not enough
And that's the reason why
When you're young
you fall in
love

I wonder if it really is accurate. Maybe it's just peer pressure or a need of a listening ear that doesn't come in the form of equally hormonal girl pals.

Isn't life just so frustrating sometimes :(

Meanwhile, I need to dig some hole to hind myself in next Saturday. It's PARENTS-TEACHERS DIALOGUE. It's like the IT event of next month. Everything just blurs away into the background.

Okay enough of emoemo talk :D

I'm really REALLY looking forward to enrichment programmes our school is offering us under 'THE TALENT PROGRAMME'. The modules offered are really exciting. I hope I get into the Confectionery (haha most expensive nonetheless) module. Become some Domestic Goddess Mama! However, I don't see how talented I will become after the whole course, except that I'll just accumulate more knowledge! Total inappropriate choice of words in my opinion.

Oh this reminds me of something I heard recently which enlightened me: "Knowledge does not equal to wisdom". Ah I remember now, I heard that from some guy giving Upper Secondary girls some talk during our Assembly concerning Pornography. Everyone was quite (okay make that VERY) tickled, and that led to my teacher exclaiming to us back in the classroom "I was much more interested in and entertained by your reactions than the talk!", followed by some tsk-tsking :D

Hope I'll get off the computer NOW, and get my bum on the OTHER chair to start some solid work on the workdesk!!

Wish me luck for the coming week!

P.S. Really hope Sino-Singapore Exchange Trip will not be cancelled! (Meeting's on Monday :O)

Random picture (Sports Day 2008!)

Much Love!

Ought to refresh.

2008-04-04T22:23:00.004+08:00

Hey hey!

Sorry for the total lack of/inconsistent blogging! I have been a very busy woman, jetting about for Choir competition, and getting a good collection of pictures from the experience (: Also had Sports' Day today. It was Olympic Games-based and I'm sure no one really bothered, although credits go to the PE Dept for the hard work! Well, truth be told, we were all caught up with our own camwhoring (well I was caught up with project work admin stuff) and jumping all over the place, opening umbrellas to block out the strong sun rays and rushing to drink stalls for refreshing, cooling drinks :)

The top 3 classes from each level for yesterday's Spirit of the Class Cheering Competition also performed. Even though our class didn't get one of those places, I'm sure in our hearts, we won. And this time, I can mean what I say and not say it for the sake of encouragement/consoling. OUR CLASS, 3 DG, FREAKING ROCKS :D IT'S THE BESTEST EVER AND OUR CHEER PWNED. WE HAD ENTERTAINMENT VALUE AND OUR CHEER IS UNFORGETTABLE. That's all that matters, and is all I will say. Memories will be kept safely within me (:

Oh oh, and I finally got my haircut yesterday as well. At Holland V, and it was such a therapeutic experience, particularly because I finally got my scalp massage, nice warm hair wash, nice-smelling shampoo and nice blow-dried hair. AND, OF COURSE, simple-looking but cute short hairstyle! It's not the end-product that really mattered for me, it was the little things like the massage. It matters especially at a time like this when Carnival preparations are driving me c-c-c-crazy!

Success is not final, failure is not fatal. What matters is the courage to carry
on.

Ahh.. That quote was so pleasing to my ears when Daddy said it today. I'm glad he did because he knows how much I need that encouragement right now.

Sorry for the VERY bad NONchronological sequence of events, but I'll still go on anyway!

I had E Math test on Thursday, and I'm so so glad I had tuition on Wednesday afternoon, it so totally saved me from another B3/A2. I do NOT need bad results now, I must get my A1 for E Math! Weird thing is, I can get it for A Math but not for E Math, so am I a weirdo or what ): Oh well, bottom line is I did well for the test, I can feel it in my bones (although we haven't gotten it back)!!

So although this week has been a crash-here-there-everywhere week, everything fell into place in the end, and I would like to thank God :)

Pictures (of Choir trip and today) in a separate post, I don't want to overload you in this one!

Lots of love,
Yiann

FAB ITALIA!

2008-04-04T22:13:00.002+08:00

Be prepared, very prepared :D

More to come, and Sports' Day photos soon!

PICTURES FROM TODAY!

2008-03-12T20:47:00.005+08:00

Hello again, 2 posts for today, because I forgot to post photos that besties took with me in my camera after we watched The Leap Years at Plaza Singapura. It was pretty touching and had interesting scenes. I particularly like Joan Chen using her lipstick to draw something on the glass panel (of which I shall not reveal). It was a very heartwarming moment in the movie.

Here are my besties!
(I'm the one who is wearing a yellow top and has red spectacles on!)
Will miss you all when I fly off tomorrow!

Sidenote: Will post pictures of my Grandma's 80th birthday bash on the 1st of March (sorry for procrastinating THIS much!) once I get back and can find enough time to!

Bonjour my friends! Will show you all pictures! :)

Italia!!!

2008-03-12T20:05:00.002+08:00

Okay, so I've just finished a superbly full dinner. I was literally dumping all that sweet and sour pork onto my plate and engulfing them. Because soon I will not be able to try Chinese food. Well it's not as tragic as it sounds!! I'll be on my way to Italy, leaving on a jetplane, tomorrow (Thursday, 13th March) at 7am! I'm going with the Choir to the River Del Garda festival (cough, also is a competitionnnn) and these are the high points:

Rooming with Li Ting my nice junior who shares quite a bit of cool stuff with me.
Have a very nice section of Alto 2s, which I recently found out I'm the section leader of! Will give my all to do my duties well and good!
Flying into Doha (HAHA EX-SEA GAMES VENUE!) then transiting into MUNICH (is this where they have good fashionable stuff?) AND BUSINGGGG INTO ITALYYY WHOOOOO!
Going to Salzburg, where Sound Of Music was filmed!
GOING TO VENICE, WHERE WATER IS VERY ABUNDANT!
I AM ONE OF THE 3 CHOIR TRIP PHOTOGRAPHERS MUAHAHA. However, camera batt may die on me (TOUCHWOOD).

OMG I HAVEN'T CHARGED MY CAMERA BATT.
Sorry about the enthusiasm for this trip that is going to kill you >:)

The only low point:
I HAVE HOMEWORK TO BRING ALONG BECAUSE THE TEACHERS WANT TO KILL US WITH THAT MUCH. WE ARE HUMAN, ARE WE NOT T.T

Besidessss, we're going cause we want to go win some international prize back for the school :) so we should be discounted of some homework, for bringing glory to the school (hope against hope we will get GOLDDDD) :D

So TADA! GOING TO DOHA(HAHA), GERMANY (AIRPORT ONLY BUT IT STILL COUNTS :D), AUSTRIA AND ITALY!!

Somebody tranquilize me.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL! PRAY FOR US, THAT WE MAY DO OUR SCHOOL PROUD :D

LOADS OF LOVE <3
Will miss you besties!

OBS and nothing else.

2008-02-29T20:54:00.002+08:00

For five days, and I figured out so much about myself and others around me. Although seniors tend to exagarrate the pain and whatnot experienced, I've decided no complaint will do justice to OBS.
It was fulfilling, packed with strenous but purposeful activities and made us stretch like rubber bands. Although I'm totally covered in sandfly bites (I'm sure I'll survive till I recover), I regret nothing at all.
Each activity allowed me ample learning room and didn't push me too far. People always tend to be the obstacles, and indeed, people skills matter so much when we are pushed to the brim and deprived of well-rested body conditions. I slept on hard ground for 4 nights.
Everything taught me how our bodies don't condition our minds but our minds conditioned our bodies.
Jacqueline managing to climb to the minimum red line of the rockwall made it all worth it after 30 minutes of cajoling and pushing. It inspired all of us to have the same determination we saw in her. People affect in this way; they can either trip you or bring you up.
Backpacking was crazy. We had to trek for almost 2 and a half hours in 2 days. It wasn't the distance and time that disturbed me but the weight of the bags. We've never carried such weights before. Even though it rested on our pretty decently steady shoulders, we still sweated it out and people who don't usually sweat broke out full force.
Nothing can really describe the immense pain and determination you will have to psych yourself into, hands-on is really the only way to find out accurately.
I'd love to tell you what you want to hear, that OBS was just another break from homework, another reason to get outdoors and breathe fresh air. But no, it's to learn from extreme conditions what we're really made of, what we can make out of what we're given. Be it small or big sized people, agile or clumsy, we all can achieve the same things we think we can't. Everything's in the mind.

I really want to thank my Raffles watch for all the fun we've shared. All the team spirit we felt and all the pain we went into and came out of victoriously. Last but not least, to God who gave me the strength when I thought I could go on no more. It's all about the friends, maybe even the enemies. Man sharpening man.

Now that I'm back home, the clean environment makes me uneasy. Maybe that's why roots are always so important, we used to be people living primitively.

Sandflies are the bane of my life. Poor poor skin ):
(And that's the only major issue I have with OBS)

YAY TO LEAP YEAR! HAPPY BIRTHDAY 29TH FEB BABIES! IT'S YOUR PARTY!!

Valentine's Day

2008-02-12T20:10:00.000+08:00

I have no Valentino!! I am a sad sad single girl. They always say being single has it's fun and free side, but the grass is always greener on the other side. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S A WORLD FLOODED WITH LOVE AND RED POM POM HEARTS!

Oh well, such is the life of me, I'll just have to wait till I reach THAT age for me to start going all crazy over when I can get married and have kids. Speaking of kids, Kui Jien and Sarah Tan were featured in 8 Days!! AND THEY LOOK SO BLISSFUL and photogenic together. Like that kind of couple you won't get jealous of but instead being really happy for. And although Sarah is pregnant, she glows and doesn't look atrociously fat. She doesn't even look fat. Just her normal self with a 'basketball' as she was quoted as calling the bulge :D

Sweet sweet sweettttt. I bet their baby will be a model baby kind of baby cause he has such good-looking parents and they're so fun and loving!! Envious but happy for the babyyy!

OKAY. SO ANYWAY. Here's a picture of a snowman from a Suzhou exchange partner of another SCGS girl. She sure knew how to make the best out of the especially freezing Chinese New Year they experienced! I bet you think it's cute too :D

All the pink stuff reminds me of Valentine's Day again!!!
Reminder to self: PATIENCE!

ANYWAY, I SHALL NOT BE A SPOILSPORT ;)
Happy Valentine's Day to all the happily attached girls and guys out there!!
Enjoy staying out of Singleton Town! ;)

P.S. Hoping for Pastamania with girl friends tomorrow! *smacks lips in delight*!

Knowing me, knowing you, there is nothing we can do

2008-01-31T15:21:00.000+08:00

Msn is making me very mad ): It isn't signing me in. I'm surprisingly very very very tired this week. Maybe I should reconsider what I said about this year being great and all. It had a good start, but as my parents always say, can I maintain it and is it consistent? At first my file was arranged really neatly and all, homework always being written down neatly the moment teachers announce about them. Now? Drifting from that quality of being on the ball. I disappoint myself.

Oh well, I can only blame myself. I need my sleep, really. And I have been depriving myself of enough because I always change my priorities. Although tomorrow's Friday, I feel too lethargic to bother about being happy and grateful for the weekend because I know weekend just means tiring Choir practices, tiring studying for tests, and tired me strolling into church. And the last point makes me feel guilty. Considering I've been told I'm in training for the worship team now, enthusiasm for church and the Lord is even more crucial, and should have been there all the while anyway. Oh well, I'll take a day at a time.

HOWEVER, DO NOT LET MY VERY VERY SAD TONE SPOIL YOUR DAY (:
Best of luck to those who feel the same as I do and have a great day (:

*Bought a dress from Topshop earlier for CNY and it's 100% silk and $145+? Well mom thought it was nice and all and decided she'd be okay with the price tag. BUT, now I'm returning it. Someone comfort my dilemma-ish heart ): However, may be walking around Holland V later to try find one replacement :D and take my portrait photographs. P.s. I hope I'll look A-okay ;)

Have a great weekend everyone! Work hard (:

When you find no more love, look towards home

2008-01-25T21:31:00.001+08:00

A great week, great pictures, happy me. As in truly truly happy. Genuine, blissful indulgence. Although this week has been a roller coaster ride, but it was worth it. I'm now more ready and equipped with skills to deal with Math. My Higher Chinese isn't too bad (yet and not ever I hope) but I failed my English compo introduction. 4/10 is a very bad grade but considering most of the class got 3/10 or 4/10? I consider it a-okay ;D Just kidding. I hope to finally earn at least 8/10 from Ms Seow soon. I will not live with 4/10 anymore.

I must must MUST admit my religious ride is becoming dry yet again, but I'm glad to say whatever bad thoughts or actions I may harbour, I make sure I get rid of them before they infest my mind. I hope God will continue giving me the strength to shine His light and to build a solid stronghold against Satan. This is a must for me because trusting in God that He helps me through my todays and my tomorrows has spurred a change in me for the past few years.

Studies-wise, I'm very encouraged by the happiness I see on Dad and Mom's faces everyday whenever they see me hard at work and keeping distractions at bay. I only just realised satisfaction from parents are such a major determining factor to how much I want to put in. Although I'm spurred on by their encouraging comments and feelings towards my attitude now, I do know that I'm working for myself. However, I just can't help feeling that I owe them some gratification from parenting and it's time for me to show them fruits of their labour. It's getting easier day by day. I thank God for all that and I sincerely hope I'll be able to maintain that sense of achievement.

Maybe 2008 really is the start to the climatic part of my life.

P.S. SCGS has one of the 2 top scorers for O Levels 2007, scoring 10A1s and 1A2. Proud of you Pearlyn Ler, alumni of Henry Park Primary as well! :)

LIFE IS GREAT!

Have you ever

2008-01-19T13:42:00.000+08:00

Someone told me he thinks I'm obsessed with another guy. Do I seem so obsessed about certain people sometimes? I don't know maybe I care too much about them till it passes a certain line. Sometimes I can feel it and sometimes I don't. But really I'm just curious about what's been going on with him. BUT THEN AGAIN, I can feel myself crossing the line again. I am in a deep crappy dilemma.

So. The week in short has been great. Minus the fact that so many spring tests were sprung in our direction ): and I was caught by surprise so many times I wanted to die knowing that I'd fail it. BUT, I will not falter I must continue working hard. To best friend in CGS: TRIPLE SCIENCE, YOU CAN DO IT! Don't be a double-science sucker like me. LIKE BECOME A GYNAE MAYBE! And produce many coolio kiddos and be like their Godmas.

The week just flew past in front of my eyes, and now it's Saturday. I'm stuck with COMMONWEALTH ESSAY AND LIT ESSAYS. AND CURRENT AFFAIRS NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS AND REFLECTIONS ON THEM. Does life get any tougher than this? From what I know, yea it does. And I'm not ready for it.

Maybe the strength radiating from friends will help me live an easier, hectic life. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but you know what I mean.

On a happier note, possible shopping for new year dress on Sunday evening and Pastamania with SC besties on Wednesday. FASTA, PASS THE PASTA!!

Maybe the week ahead won't be that bad, huh? (:

School in a nutshell.

2008-01-12T14:23:00.000+08:00

So I guess it's been quite some time since I updated and I need this. Blogging somehow keeps me sane by emptying memories here so I get to absorb more recent ones to fuller effect (:

School:
At the beginning I was dreading the first day of school, all thanks to the rumours of my form teacher. My class' name list was also not very promising, with supposedly very michievious and bimbotic girls included in it.

HOWEVER,
God does provide and now I'm very proud to say I love my lessons and teachers. The former are always very interesting as the 'bimbotic' and loud girls would always fling random remarks at teachers, making the whole class break into laughter. My form teacher is also above my expectations, always setting high expectations for us and helping us along to achieve a high level of discipline as well. Her English lessons so far have been awesome, thanks to the movies and book prologues she introduced to us. Among the movies introductions, I was particularly hooked by Saving Private Ryan. When I came back from lessons, I told Dad all about it and he asked my brother for his DVD. When I finally finished the show, my heart still skipped beats and was so overwhelmed. Therefore, I recommend this show to you as it is very telling on circumstances during war and how introductions hook and pull. A Math has been a rollercoasted ride for me, but I guess my teacher and lessons are still very good, pushing us to be more than what we can. I have Mrs Hee again this year for History AND Social Studies so that is a bonus as she always never fails to brighten up my day and memories of SCGS that I will be taking with me after Os. I got the same favourite Higher Chinese teacher this year too! With such a great team helping us along, I think I'll do just fine if I put in the effort and with God's strength to pull me through. Reminder to self: O-Level Chinese Oral Prelims during March. Time will fly. I can feel it in my bones.

LIFE:
I guess I've been using less of the computer now, as more friends have commented that I'm always not online anymore or that they think I've blocked them. Just to clear the air: NO NO NO! I MAY BE M.I.A. BUT I am not blocking you! I'm just trying to adjust my priorities, to make me get as much hardwork out of myself as I possibly can.
Church has been reignited in my heart, with a different perspective to it and the walk with God. I have been doing quiet-time more often now (although I never managed to before) and I think that's great because I feel more enriched and I have more bible knowledge to help me through difficult times and to celebrate great times in God.

Overall, it has been a great start to 2008!
Happy New Year everyone (although VERY belated) and may you all have a fufilling year too!

The past month (while my computer died on me)

2007-12-28T17:11:00.000+08:00

CAMP ROCKED.
CHRISTMAS ROCKED.

I RECEIVED A HUGE POLAR BEAR TO COLLECT DUST IN MY ROOM AGAIN AND MAKE ME GET RUNNY NOSE AGAIN ;) Just kidding!

BUT THANKS EVERYONE!!
THANKS JUNXU FOR THE FABULOUS CAMP.

NOT EVEN A MILLION WORDS CAN DESCRIBE THE FESTIVE JOY AND THE SPIRITUAL CONNECTION I FELT THIS MONTH.

DECEMBER IS MY FAVOURITE MONTH :DDDDDDDDD

I am crazy.

Where do I belong?

2007-12-11T21:48:00.000+08:00

You know, sometimes I really feel like I don't belong to the church.
It seems unfounded but sometimes these feelings come. Maybe after church camp I'll feel more into this whole Christian community and they'll go (most of the time coming back after a while). I am mostly to blame because I haven't been faithfully attending church. It's not a must-do thing on my list. In fact it's hardly something I look forward to. I just hope no one from church sees this because it sounds quite offensive and it may hurt some. But I just thought maybe voicing it out here may relieve some tension I have inside. It's like the devil keeps pulling me away, and I'm not the most faithful one around. I still have so many doubts inside of me, partly because I take after my Dad, always believing more in what my eyes can behold rather than what my heart really needs.

I feel that maybe I'm not a Christian that I really want to be. It hurts because of the expectations church may have and how I make them disappointed all the time. Sometimes I wonder if the church could be more proactive in pulling me back and realising that such problems do exist. Although I'm quiet, I do speak a lot if the occasion calls for it. But the problem is I don't do that much in church cause I hardly connect with anyone. Basically,I feel out of place and lonely, although the Lord is supposed to be by my side helping me to Him.

Maybe, just maybe this camp will change me inside out. I can just hope and believe one more time.

Confusion

2007-12-09T10:46:00.000+08:00

I think I'm happy that xxx.
At the same time, I don't know how to react (like myself, as everyone knew me as).
I think I'm not myself anymore.
I'm not as sure as last time about what I really want.
Is this what happens during the growing years or something?
Like maybe my brain had a growth spurt and decided not to grow normally?

Food Glorious Food!

2007-12-07T17:55:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night we had Din Tai Fung for dinner!!
With Kau Mou, Kau Gong, Grandma, Gu Jie, Sam Sok, Sam Sum and my family.
It was a farewell dinner for Dad, Mum (LUCKY DUO WHO ARE HEADING TO ITALY FOR APPROX 2 WEEKS), Kau Mou and Kau Gong (Grandaunt and Granduncle) who are heading back to Kuala Lumpur.
WE HAD XIAOLONGBAOS!!!!!!!!!!! My long-time favourite (which I long mastered the art of delicately eating) :D
And Sam Sum (aka 3rd Aunt in Canton) was sitting beside me.
As a result of that, I had many great laughs. She said things like "How can you order only one xiaolongbao per person when you come to Din Tai Fung? Hor Yiann?".
She also ordered Xiao Cai which is my favourite appetiser (which I totally forgot about).
She's quite the foodie expert who happens to have the same taste as me. Having her order dishes is bliss (Because she isn't stingy on how much to order)!
We also ordered lots of the xiaolongbao lookalikes for dessert which are filled with yam instead. OH GOSH THAT'S THE BEST :D

Haircut!

2007-12-05T20:59:00.000+08:00

No self-loving pictures for now, but I just had my most expensive haircut in my life.
Inclusive of hair washing, which was quite funky (:
THIRTY BUCKS, MY MOST EXPENSIVE HAIRCUT IN 14 YEARS.
Gosh I think I must have been stupid to believe my Dad all these months when he told me the TEN BUCKS one was good enough (although he's just being his ol' practical self). When you try the thirty, you never want to go to the ten one again.

Hahaha, my mom regrets bringing me along with her now.

I HAVE A FUNKY FRINGE :D FINALLY!

Matchmaking Agency

2007-11-30T17:20:00.000+08:00

I seriously suspect my maid is not from a maid agency but she's from a matchmaking agency.
She throws her opinion of guys I know in my face!!! Like A is tanned, his eyes are nice, but his nose isn't nice. B is handsome, I like him, can you show me his picture on the computer. C is annoying and fat, don't ever get together with him.

I mean, what's this thing about multi-talented/tasking??
It has reached a whole new level, courtesy of my maid, and her many talents of talent-scouting potential boyfriends.

Why?

2007-11-30T11:19:00.000+08:00

I want Channel 55 on TV.
But these things never come easy.
Parents being the keyword.

What is it?

2007-11-22T17:28:00.000+08:00

I know I've talked a little too much about my experience in China, particularly Suzhou.
Somehow I have found many words explaining why it captured my heart so much, but not the root reason. I know it's something more. More than just the enthusiasm of the people, their will to better themselves and surge ahead and the old world charm of the cities.

How amazing, the same human race, but so different.
The same globe we live on, but so different.

My Love Will Heal All Pains

2007-11-21T17:57:00.000+08:00

Pictures now. I pray they don't make me cry again when I go through them once more.

* Click for a bigger, clearer picture!

DAY 1

AT SCHOOL (LAST DAY) + HOME VISIT

END OF HAPPY SCHOOLING DAYS :(

THE LAST LUNCH

ESTHER LAM! Star of the table- Unforgettable, really.

AIRPORT

My Love Will Get You Home

If you wonder off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong stars, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself lost and all alone, get back on feet and think of me,
my love will get you home, boy, my love will get you home.
If the bright lights blind your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stripe, my love will get you home.

Home being where I felt at home- China, 星港学校
Memories are all I have now, and I'm glad they sure are sweet.

China trip

2007-11-20T17:08:00.000+08:00

Photos of my China trip are coming up! If possible, I'll attach my chinese reflection in here as well. Caution: It will ALL be in Chinese.

is it just me?

2007-11-20T17:06:00.000+08:00

Or am I feeling a little ignored and too lonely?

I miss you

2007-11-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

我好好好想念中国的同学们和快乐的时光！我想哭了。我要暂时移民到中国，苏州的星港学校里读书！真可惜我只是在做一场梦。梦有时确实是那么残酷的。为什么它们还存在呢？

I know, I know.

2007-11-07T17:26:00.000+08:00

I know people do regret their actions. I do know that there ARE people with guilty conscience out there. But I was just wondering if you ever would. And now that you do, act on your guilty conscience. That's the only thing you can and should do.

If you knew, why do it?

2007-11-07T16:52:00.000+08:00

This is related to my previous post.

I hope you know how hurtful the things you posted were. The way you insulted Yi En for being ugly (it really isn't for anyone to say) and how he was desperate, the way you made me seem like someone you were dying to throw out of the universe and forget, the way you didn't respect etiquette of not publicly revealing private e-mails I sent to you (only to clear things up in all good faith). There are quite a few more things I want to hold you responsible for, but I know now's not the time to stab back. There isn't ANY ONE TIME I should be stabbing anyone for the matter of fact. And I hope you learn that too.

I know how I flamed you badly for always being so quiet, not talking to me about how you feel and making me susceptible to rubbing a raw nerve of yours. I'm also sorry for that, but you know how I am and if you can't accept it, well then I guess we're not really friends. At least by my definition. I just felt that in a friendship, it isn't right to be plastic about feelings. Lying about how we feel about each other and putting on false facades is not what I call a genuine friendship. If you can't accept my way of looking at this, it's fine by me.

However, I do know that I should tell you how it is always not right to put on pretences about people, acting all friendly with them, only to backstab and yes, slap them across the face on your private blog. You may think it's private, but if it's on WWW, it's never private. And it does no justice to me, flaming me in secret, and not letting me present my side to everything. You should know that one-sided views aren't always respected unless you're that trustworthy. Which I don't think any of us 14-year-olds are yet. I always thought that by seeing you laugh in school, you were okay. Nothing was wrong with our friendship. And now I hope you realise why I've always put a strong emphasis on being true to our feelings and voicing our discomforts with one another. They will hurt, we're all human, but if it's done with the right objectives in mind, it's most likely to make us stronger and change for the better, no? I thought I made it clear to you in all those e-mails we exchanged. But I just had to be informed of your secret blog, which you cowardly (in your own words) deleted. Maybe that's why you also don't speak up. I do hope that you will honour what you project, a better life in NJ and a better understanding of friendship politics, changing for the better.

What else can I say? You've said everything I could say.

But I just want to warn you, in a very amicable manner, the consequences of what you did rashly, insulting people on your blog at your own will:
1. People will not trust your judgement of people in future if they are just based on your negative views of everyone.
2. YOU WILL HURT. (Calling me a pest, right?) Ever heard of the fence and nails story? A boy had to hammer in nails into a wooden fence everytime he hurt/insulted anyone. He could take them out when he did a good deed to 'undo' the bad deed. But, the scars of the nails were always on the fence. They won't just disappear, unless you do something to fix it. At least show some effort.
3. You will lose friends whom you have put on a false facade to before. No one really likes plastic people. Those who do are probably plastic themselves.

There are quite a few more that you can learn as you go along on life's journey. That's why there is never exactly a book on how to live life. There are so many lessons as you go along. You just have to listen, observe, reflect.

Now that you mentioned it, I do remember writing about you on my blog. But what I want to say is, I didn't write negative stuff about you, only to smile and act like great buddies with you offline (which is what you did). I have learnt quite well the harsh effects of pretence from primary school, so that's why I feel that I AM qualified to tell you all this.

I hope you will reflect very well after this hoo-ha.
Reflecting doesn't hurt, unless you're the antagonist and you have a conscience to speak of.
Which is why I think it may hurt you, but you will come out stronger after this.

I don't know which sorries from you to trust now. But I'm glad you said it.
One is better than none.

hey you. yes you.

2007-11-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

HELLO THERE, LONG TIME NO SEE.

I am not leaving it there to make someone jealous.
I don't scheme such stuff unlike you.

aiya, they're only 14 leh!like me!and so up to BGR nstead of focusing on studies.
plain dorks.
okay whatever.

I suppose you don't remember me telling someone: Wait till JC?
You're the dork. You're making a fool of yourself.

yey!she's going off in 3 days time i think!clearing up singapore of pests is great.
mean but true, as she says.
oh whatever.

You think you have attitude, very cool is it?
Get a life, stop being so -. I'm too polite to say it here.
And pests? Go look into the mirror.

I've said my piece.
And I can't believe you're stupid enough to continue posting although you know I read it.
If you plan on ruining my dignity, look someplace else. Cause I'm made of tougher stuff than you think MS LEO.

Do you know how gross and perverse you sound in your post? Go reflect. NJ life? Easy. If no one ever finds your blog. Do you think I'll let you keep it a secret, as it is titled? Dream on, like you said to me.

Chalet

2007-11-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry this is coming so late, but here's an update from chalet days (29-31 Nov)!
P.s. OMG I HOPE MY SEASHELLS AREN'T THROWN AWAY. Nvm it's late, I'll ask my maid tomorrow.

Day 1
I had to meet Eugenie, Pei Wen, Michelle, Ying Ying, Shirley, Josie and Deborah at Plaza SingaPURAAA. We went on a buying frenzy to stock up on food for the chalet! All the chips and drinks, gosh I did bet I'd put on 10kg from such a sumptous source of food. Who wouldn't?! We also went to the arcade. Poor Deborah had to borrow my jacket or she'd be chased out cause she had the SC uniform on. We bought so much food and heavy drinks only to find out... ONLY 3 OF US, NAMELY MICHELLE, YING YING AND I, were going to lug it all to the chalet. Which was SO conveniently far away, hidden at Changi (:

The whole ride with them to the chalet via MRT and taxi was pretty fun, with relentless mentioning of MAOGAOs and whatnot. You guessed it, GUYS! CAT HIGH ;D It was so amusing, becuase they kept laughing at each other's Maogao guy (I think!). Tsk naughty! (:

The moment we arrived, Shanice and Dilys and 3 of us started munching on chips, playing music and taking a lot of pictures. We then decided pool and bowling could wait not a moment longer!
Pool and Bowling are blessings to me, serious! They are super cool games that make you laugh till you get cramps.

Bowling was super funny because the balls were going all over the place and ESPECIALLY into the longkangs. However, me and Shirley had plenty of good laughs and encouragement for each other. RIGHT SHIRLEY! :D It was a great time to show moral support for one another and just laugh at our own mistakes. Pool was quite amusing too. The white ball that I had to aim and hit was really irritating me! It kept hopping across the table xD But after a while I guess I improved and the next day I was itching to play again, show off some amatuer skills huh? ;D

Not many people went but it was still fun all the same!

Day 2
More people came! However, some were uh, emo. It felt very weird. But I guess we just ignored them and the atmosphere lightened up a bit. We went to the beach to collect seashells. I was uh not as lucky, or should I say QUICK in spotting nice seashells. Even if I did, as aforementioned, they might be gone, into the dustbin, right now D:

ON A HAPPIER NOTE,
I LEARNT MAHJONG! I learnt HU, PONG, GANG, CHI and the names of almost all the tiles. Proud of silly little me! I always found mahjong fascinating, the way it can instil such excitement among the elders. Now I understand. Even without gambling with money, it had it's own beauty. Even though I was playing with no strategy in mind, it was light-hearted and fun! I can't wait for the next opportunity to have a go at it! (:

MAHJONG, ANYONE?

Day 3
Leaving day. Sad but it was inevitable. Goodbyes are like that. Eugenie's Dad was really nice to give all of us a ride to Bugis. We had breakfast or rather, BRUNCH at MACS. Shirley ordered pancakes and she generously shared it with Josie and I! Yingying looked on in horror as we attempted to play with the butter and syrup, giving her a very good sighting of mixture overload. Namely butter+syrup ONLY. But it still magically looked very, very gross. It happens. When girls get bored.

IT WAS FUN.

AND GUESS WHAT? I'M GOING TO BOWL AGAIN TOMORROW WITH SHIRLEY AND EUGENIE! Watch out, bowling alleys! Queen of Longkangs is coming your way ;D
I MISS CHALET, BUT IT HAS BECOME A GREAT MEMORY FOR ALL OF US, I'M SURE.
Especially those who are leaving us for NJ IP.

The trip

2007-11-02T15:15:00.000+08:00

The China trip with the school is coming up.
I'm feeling a little apprehensive because I'm not sure where and how to place myself at the right places with the right attitude. I hope I don't suddenly have a case of embarrassing-moment-when-my-
face-turns-tomato-red and start stuttering when I have to introduce myself to the students we are exchanging with...
Then again, it's a good experience and I guess I should be grateful for being granted such a good opportunity. I hope I don't disappoint.
Today, we had the briefing and the whole trip sounds exciting all over again, with the great teachers and whatnot. I hope I don't lose this excitement!

I LOVE GOONG S aka Prince Hours :D

I loved it so much that I actually bought the DVD set, like what I did for GOONG.
The show's marvelous so I don't understand why people would say it's not. I mean it's an OKAY at worst, and fabulous at best. It's really touching and engaging. My mom even said I looked like I was part of the show, being so engrossed and so on. Heh, I think my face turned tomato red when she said that :) It really engaged me a lot, and I think The Majesty is really really pretty and her lover is pretty handsome ;) Angmoh guy (NO offence to Chinese guys in any way! I am not a fan of angmoh guys anyway :D)

I need to go check on the progress of someone sending me the songs right now (Thanks Yi En!)
so I'll catch up soon alright :D

I CAN ALREADY SMELL THE MONEY I'LL BE USING TO SHOP IN CHINA :D
The first thing I'll buy is sweets and Bing Tang Hu Lu! I loved those at Nanjing.

I found you

2007-10-31T17:58:00.000+08:00

I know you've found me, and I have one final thing to say.

I will not let you have what you want if you give me what I don't want.

I'd do anything

2007-10-27T20:23:00.000+08:00

Strange, I've been waiting so long for the holidays to come.

But now,

I WANT TO STUDY, if it means I get to be with 2SE again.

I will try not to break down,
but it's really hard.

Empty

Tried To Take A Picture
Of Love
Didn't Think I'd Miss Her (All of them)
That Much
I Want To Fill This New Frame
But Its Empty

Tried To Write A Letter
In Ink
Its Been Getting Better
I Think
I Got A Piece Of Paper
But Its Empty
Its Empty

Maybe We're Trying
Trying Too Hard
Maybe We're Torn Apart
Maybe The Timing
Is Beating Our Hearts
We're Empty

And I've Even Wondered
If We
Should Be Getting Under
These Sheets
We Could Lie In This Bed
But Its Empty
Its Empty

Maybe We're Trying
Trying Too Hard
Maybe We're Torn Apart
Maybe The Timing
Is Beating Our Hearts
We're Empty

Oh Oh
Oh Oh
Oooooh
Oh Oh
Oh Oh

Maybe We're Trying
Trying Too Hard
Maybe We're Torn Apart
Maybe The Timing
Is Beating Our Hearts
We're Empty

We're Empty
We're Empty

The Goodbyes

2007-10-27T19:03:00.000+08:00

Yesterday (kinda reminds me about the sobby Carpenters song), we had the goodbye sessions.
At first I didn't cry okay. I don't know why but when everyone else cries, I don't.
Today was an exception, thank goodness for I have proven to be human.
Last year I didn't cry on the last day, particularly because I had a terrible year being a bossy kid (class rep with uncooperative classmates, what do you expect?) and I wasn't particularly feeling very at home in SCGS because I hardly knew or was close to anyone.

This year was a world of difference.
Although the first half of the year took some warming up to and realization of the promise I made myself not to be such a terrorizing bossy girl, the last half proved to be more than I ever expected. Exams came and gone, we had a zoo outing all the other classes never had, we blasted music, we lost in talentime. HOWEVER, we had our fun during talentime, singing a monumental (at least for us) song that will be linked to last days of school for as long as I will remember. Lemon Tree (:

I wonder how,
I wonder why,
Yesterday you told me bout the blue blue sky,
But all that I can see,
Is just yellow Lemon Tree.

Everyone was amicable, no disputes. Mainly laughter and tears of joy, laughing fits. Everything that denotes "I am happy and will not forget this", we had them. All the bittersweet memories. We were so happy to the extent that we forgot that some people were leaving for IP (I am particularly disturbed by this). To think I actually almost applied for IP (and was actually qualified for it) because of parental influence and expectations. Overrated, and I won't say anything more. Now I know the true spirit of SCGS and I know it cannot be emulated anywhere else. 2 years have flown by too fast, too furious. I should have seen it coming, and I know I'm not the only fool. Everyone knows how time can be so vicious in making happy times seem short and unhappy times seem too long.

Flipside by The Click Five
Nothing, showing on the outside,
Something, dying on the inside.

Maybe I have really not shown enough of how much I treasure my friends.
I am really beginning to regret this. I'm glad I have a chance to redeem myself on Monday-Wednesday during the class chalet. I've never realised how significant Shanice was in our class, but the moment I did, I joined along the crying. It was really sad cause she's leaving for IP. Not too far, but far enough for it to take a toll on me.

You know something?! Listening to The Click Five is so depressing!!

I'll be here forever, even if you leave.
-Addicted To Me

It reminds me of those who are leaving. Especially one very special person from Choir. She's been such a great buddy in Sec 1 and a great person to say HI to in the hallways. Vanessa Khoo! I'll never forget her and her Timmy. I'll never forget the concerts and SYF we went through. It's so hard to say goodbye to you and your twin Valerie, because both of you have been such bright sparks in our lives. Hopefully you won't be too caught up with VJC IP life that you forget your true blue SCGS blood.

Continuing about yesterday, I didn't cry until I saw 2CO cry. I was so touched, because they were a really bonded class, and seeing them sing to Mr Teo was really cute and sweet of them. They even cried and laughed at the same time. It's not that hard to imagine. Then that MICHELLE TEE!! just had to tell me she may migrate. She told me that I immediately started crying. Thanks for helping me wipe those tears away good friend (: I told her,

NO YOU ARE NOT LEAVING!! You are not leaving me alone in SCGS ): You are staying here okay! You are staying here to finish the whole 4 years of SCGS with me :'(

(As I am typing, I want to cry again) Then all the accumulated tears I held back for too long just gushed out. Tee, really, don't leave me alone in Singapore. You've been such a great friend. I don't know who else has been so nice to me. I was so upset. Then I went back to class to pack my bag and that's when I saw a small group of girls from my class crying in a circle of chairs for Shanice, the bright spark girl who's leaving for NJ IP. Then it just hit me. All these people leaving, it just was too much to let go off all at one go. I mean, each person matters and now so many of them that matter are leaving? I cried again when I saw the touching scene of tears of sorrow truly shed. I could sense regret, longing for more time and holding on in all those teardrops. I did feel that way, something I had not felt in very long.

Maybe I'll petition to keep Tee in Singapore :D
But really, friends are always better when kept by your side. I've known the difference between long-distance friends (even in different schools) and classmates for good friends. Those that stay and bond in the same class always end up closer (at least in my case).

I won't let this die, no!

Class chalet, I must change whatever I regretted into happiness.
Those friends, I will try the last grasp to keep them close to my heart.
Closer than ever.

Pictures say it all

2007-10-26T21:42:00.001+08:00

Shirley! My very sweet friend.

We have had very sweet memories haven't we!
Will remember you till the day I die! Okay? :D

The view from the classroom.
Farewell, but you're still remaining.
I'm not letting you slip away from my slippery memory.

The orange pillow I sewed recently and the soft toys I got for my birthday (:
Thanks GLADYS!! And you-don't-know-who (:

Eugenie! Another sweet friend.
Hope we get into the same class!
Pinky hope.

Friendship :)
One-size-fits-all word to describe the pictures.

You've gone undercover, but I've blown that cover

2007-10-25T17:45:00.000+08:00

I was recently tipped off on a friend's blog. Or rather, ex-friend (because I am vehemently refusing to acknowledge I have once liked so much in this horror of a friend, therefore I am ignoring her).
I immediately checked out the blog and, lo and behold, my first encounter of a split personality. I have since told Gladys, my very sweet nice friend who is also the annoying one's friend. I somehow felt bad for telling Gladys such a revealing discovery because I know it will eventually lead to the split person's slow downfall. However, I do not see that in the near future because:

1 She indeed has a very opaque mask on 24/7. Although I admit to having one sometimes, I deny hiding too much of my thoughts and myself.
2 No one will ever believe me if I tell them what she really is like. She has been that convincing. She managed to even cheat someone like me of the ability to make use of my sensitivity to human feelings.
3 None of the friends we share actually like me more than her, because when I get too outspoken, I have insulted some people unintentionally and therefore they are bias towards the split girl because she never really talks anyway so she hardly offends. See how unfair that is? And she claims it's because of circumstances during her childhood that she became that way. Like who doesn't have CIRCUMSTANCES? And when I told her to change, she actually got the help from someone equally as illogical to help her make logic of her unwillingness to change. For someone like her, how hard can it be to change? Computer: Nasty, Real Life: Too nice to be true.

I am flabberghasted, grossed out and about to choke on my own shock.
This friend is a friend no more.

And she thought WWW meant: I can have a diary on it and none of my friends will ever find it.
Is that naive or what?

That's what friends are for

2007-10-24T20:30:00.000+08:00

I will just post the reflection my Dad tasked me to write.

The Little Pleasures on My Birthday

Since young, my misconception of having a perfect birthday was having a big group of friends with me and holding the party at a very grand location. However, the experience I had today changed my narrow-minded expectations and filled me with immense joy despite the not so grand and wonderful circumstances. The circumstances were 5 friends, 1 shopping mall and random decisions to go into any store in sight. The result was very fulfilling in the sense that we all had our fair share of fun and it was all impromptu.

We had food escapades, constantly eating and feasting our eyes on novel products all around the shopping mall. We even amused ourselves by trying out very modern and out-of-our-world spectacle frames, making a fool of ourselves and how we looked. After all the gasps and satisfied coos at all sorts of merchandise, it was time to part.

However, among the 5 friends, one of them could accompany me to Chinatown to meet Joanne (from church) to source for the cheapest materials in the area (for the fund-raising project). I ended up spending a significant amount of time acting like a tour guide providing treasure-hunting services, bringing her around to the shops that stocked my flights of fancy, undoubtedly passionately articulating the names of different types of gems and materials that could be found and gave a small introduction to them. I also roughly taught her how to use certain metal findings that I hadn’t experimented with before to make jewelry and she was simply thrilled and eagerly feasted her eyes on the treasure trove.

In conclusion, today was a very impromptu yet satisfying celebration. Celebrations, as I mentioned above, do not need to have grand locations or grand numbers to work out. When we went out today, it was already a celebration in itself, although not directly involving my birthday. It was a celebration of my passion for jewelry, my passion for friendship and most importantly, on a birthday, celebration of life. It was a celebration not selfish, but shared and therefore multiplied with five others who have a great passion for life.

(EXTRA: This is irrelevant, but just a thought) This essay also boils down to the point of the happiness and fulfillment friendship is able to provide, just a few genuine friends can turn any day into a celebration. I feel that I am blessed to be able to have found such good friends in my classmates and I’ll miss them a lot next year, but I’ll continue to treasure them, for friends can exist even halfway across the world, so why not just a few classrooms or MRT stations away?

Friends, aren't they just the greatest strongholds when even too many other things seem to matter?

Thanks to these people who remembered to wish me the sweetest birthday ever (although it happens every year) or just remembered the date! *In no particular order (:

Wee Keong (First cause he always says it too early hahaha)
Yi En
Nadzrie
Lennard
Bryan
Shirley!!! Hahaha
Deborah!!! Hahaha
Gladys!
Joyjoyjoy!
Shawn
Ivandy
Yow Kiat
Pan-E
Theodore
Lester
Yin Hui :D
Shanice
Nadine
Phoebe
Jason
Zachary
Xin Yuan
Hafiz
Jie Rong! (Cause he was the earliest and I scrolled through my SMSes to try and remember! haha)

I'm really sorry if I left you out, please slap me the next time you see me for being so inconsiderate (: